Jagged Journey

The rhythm is uneven

The Isralites’ journey through the wilderness from Sinai to Israel had a strange and uneven rhythm. “And whenever the cloud lifted from the Tent, the Israelites would travel accordingly; and wherever the cloud settled, the Israelites would make camp there. At GOD’s command the Israelites broke camp, and at GOD’s command they made camp: they remained encamped as long as the cloud stayed over the Tabernacle. When the cloud lingered over the Tabernacle many days, the Israelites observed GOD’s mandate and did not journey on. At such times as the cloud rested over the Tabernacle for but a few days, they remained encamped at GOD’s command, and broke camp at GOD’s command.”

I’ve always been stirred by this image. You are moving from one place to another according to a logic or wisdom to which you are not privy. The Divine Wisdom knows how much time you need in a particular place or situation. Perhaps there is a specific task, an accomplishment or realization, an opening or a development, and until you get it, you will stay in that place. And you don’t know what it is, but you know there is something, so you try to open and look for clues and notice your resistances and your excitements and curiosities until one of them lights up and then you know.

Or, as often happened to the Israelites, you might not figure out what it was until you failed and fell and dropped all the balls and caused serious pain. We see that several times in this week’s reading, as the Israelites suddenly realize they simply must have meat right now, and enough with this manna, it’s so boring and predictable and spiritual and we want meat. Now. And the frenzy picks up steam. “Meat! Meat! Meat!” Moshe panics. “If this is the way it’s going to be, just kill me, God.” Miriam and Aharon fall apart. “What’s so special about Moshe, anyway?”

And then God appears, and they suddenly, too late but for most but not too late to learn, that this whole sequence was the test and the work of this particular station in the journey from Sinai to Israel. They realize that these urges, these desires and doubts and questions and frustrations - these were the work themselves. The people look around at piles of meat, people dead or dying or comatose with meat coming out of their noses. Moshe realizes how hard this is for him. Aharon and Miriam realize how sidelined or underappreciated they felt, and then everyone takes a deep, sobbing breath, and makes their way toward teshuva, and they own their missteps and own their immaturities and they own how they didn’t really get to the heart of the matter and certainly didn’t communicate well, and certainly didn’t pray what needed to be prayed or say what needed to be said or acknowledge what needed to be acknowledged, and they apologize and bring their offerings and bury their dead and weep their tears, and then the cloud lifts, and they move on.